The Bedpost: Freaky Ex’s

Relationships don’t always end on the best note.

And often times the loved ones left behind refuse to be forgotten

Relationships can end one of two ways. The first, and more preferable option, is a joint agreement that said relationship is not working, a few tears are cried over a tub of double chocolate ice cream and the participants go their separate ways. Leaving a tiny but manageable scar on ones heart. The second way a relationship might end tends to leave a gaping, infected wound that continues to ooze pus for what seems like ages.

Recently a cohort of mine ended a relationship with a boyfriend of nearly a year. She assumed, rightfully so, that the explanation of “unresolved differences” would be sufficient in warding off her ex, let’s call him Mr. Obsessive. Turns out, she was wrong, Mr. Obsessive proceeded to call this cohort of mine at least once an hour every day for two weeks. Leaving messages muffled by whimpering and crying so that they were barely understandable. Ok, so I feel a little bad for the guy, but in what realm of reality could someone think that blubbering fits of emotional instability could possibly coerce someone to fall back into love.  Give it up buddy, move on, find a new lass and you’ll be fine.

I have learned, not from personal experience of course, that possibly the worst type of ex is the kind that hangs around as your “friend” but continues to throw themselves at you like some cheap hooker in purple pleather. They will bring you flowers or send endearing text messages professing their love to you. All this is sweet but all it does is prolong the healing process and make it harder to get over each other. Some people are just not meant to be together and accepting that is the first step to moving on.

Then you have what I like to call the crazies. The ex’s who deal with the breakup by becoming an angry, bitter, mentally incompetent, and dangerous to society. This includes the cutters, the screamers, the drunken dialers and the liars. Take this situation for example: A friend of mine had an ex accuse her of harassment for asking him to “please leave her alone.” Apparently he needs to invest in a dictionary and brush up on his definition of “harassment” cause he has things a little twisted.

An former co-worker of mine had his ex girlfriend tell him she was pregnant a week after they broke up. Long story short he got back together with her out of what he called  “obligation” until six months passed and she quote-unquote, “forgot to mention that she wasn’t really pregnant.” I think she also forgot to mention that she was CRAZY.

When dealing with an ex who is a little, or a lot, off their kilter the best thing to do is completely cut yourself off from them. Delete them from your ‘Top 8’ on Myspace (* gasp *), take their picture off your nightstand, and go mingle with some hotties.